Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Now you're a man, a man man man

I always wonder when I see people (okay, predominantly teenage girls) write stories about manly man characters acting completely emasculated. I guess swooning over staggeringly sensitive men who act like no interesting and competent human being ever would isn't unexpected for young women but why choose these dudes dripping with machismo? I suppose it's entirely possible to be attracted to the aesthetic of the macho soldier types but still be so unapologetically girly that they still want to see them acting like shy, sensitive Twilight stand-ins √° la any novel with Fabio on the cover, but then you have the alarmingly popular trend of people who not only rewrite the character to act like a stammering, flower-picking ponce, but completely redo their aesthetic to make them young and long-haired with delicate-as-a-flower features. If you say you like Ganondorf, but in your head Ganondorf is a seventeen year old Japanese vampire prince with hair like a Kingdom hearts character, who goes to starbucks and gives Link butterfly kisses.... well... you don't really like Ganondorf at all.

At least I know that if I ever want to carve out a chunk of the teenage girl market for myself, I can sell fancomics about a 98 pound Marcus Fenix going to highschool and taking bubble baths. Hey, who am I to judge? Maybe all the face-poundings that came with dressing like an emo-goth-skater-hipster and writing sad poetry are what motivated Mr. Fenix to pick up a weight set and start carving out his way to Delta Sergeant.

That said, here is a picture of something unabashedly manly. consider it an apology from me to all of you on behalf of Girls On the Internet. Depending on how things go he might end up showing up in some comics, and I guarantee it will involve nothing but eating meat, blasting heavy metal, firing guns, and amassing harems of bikini models.

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